Pervert
by Akaru-chan
Summary: [sasunaru drabble] Sasuke is in denial. Warning: Acute Denial Syndrome


**Pervert **

Sasuke wasn't a pervert.

Or – more importantly – he wasn't a queer pervert.

And if he ever were a pervert, he'd be straight.

Never mind those disturbing, tortuous dreams of his rival, which he would wake up to in the middle of the night, wet and aroused.

Never mind those moments alone in the dark shadows where he plotted and schemed (and angsted) how to capture (and torture), not his brother, but a ramen-obsessed … friend.

And never mind those daily stalking (and 'observing') sessions from six a.m. to ten p.m. (though sometimes he would 'work' overtime) on his oblivious friend.

To tell the truth, Sasuke enjoyed this time Naruto-watching … but what he didn't like was that the bastard Hyuuga and the insomniac kazekage would also join in this particular leisure pursuit.

But Sasuke was – wait, no … _is_ (and always will be) – heterosexual.

The simple reason why he becomes unreasonable when Naruto asked Sakura on a date (and not him) was because that he felt that Naruto was simply … mislead, and _Sasuke_ knew that the dobe didn't _really_ like Sakura.

The blond just didn't realise it yet.

And Sasuke blackmailing Sakura afterwards that he'd send around leaflets of her Forehead Reduction Concoctions – that he had 'borrowed' from her room – to all households of Konoha if she even laid a finger on his Naruto, had nothing to do with anything.

Really.

It wasn't of any suspicious coincidence that Sasuke would _always_be in the bathhouse at the same time as Naruto would be, his lusty, sharingan eyes watching the blond boy timidly take off his towel and sink into the warm, steamy water.

And the 'problem' that happened afterwards _never_ involved a nosebleed nor a hardened phallic appendage.

And whenever Sasuke's hand rested on Naruto's shoulder and would sometimes casually slide downwards until it rested on Naruto's butt, (But to Sasuke's chagrin, would always be slapped away before he could actually _do_ anything with it.) was just a completely unintentional accident.

And by the way, Kiba, 'closet pervert' and 'Sasuke' were _never_ in the same sentence. So you can forget about that bet with Tsunade unless you want to be castrated. Sasuke was _nothing _like Ebisu.

Did Ebisu manage to master the chidori when he was only thirteen? No. Did Ebisu kill Orochimaru all by himself? No. Did Ebisu become an ANBU captain at the tender age of sixteen? No. And don't you give me that crap about Ebisu perving on naked people cause Sasuke most certainly did not partake in any lewd activities such as hiding evocative photos of his crush underneath his bed.

And Icha Icha Yaoi Edition meant absolutely nothing to Sasuke. No, he didn't go buy the box set just last week. (It had costed him a fortune. Who would have had known that transcript porn would be so expensive?)

And Sasuke had not been planning to re-enact any of the 'moves' in the book on Naruto either.

That custom-made French-Maid costume (the tailor was extorted into secrecy), with NARUTO – PROPERTY OF SASUKE stitched onto the seat of the skirt was most certainly not hidden behind the couch, collecting dust bunnies with all the other 'toys' that Sasuke had brought a few months back.

And the fact that Sai ended up in the Emergency Medical Unit of the Konoha Hospital, and dispatched from doing missions for the next six months due to serious … 'amputations' of the nether regions, after he had given Naruto a chaste peck on the cheek had nothing to do with a jealous, possessive Sasuke.

Sasuke didn't want anything. Sasuke already had everything.

He had admirers. He had money. He had respect. He had power. He had his brother's head … and, of course, if he wanted, he could have a girl hanging on each arm and a harem at his disposal.

Deprived of copulation? Sasuke? Never.

And if he ever wanted foreplay with his kitsune – which he didn't – he wouldn't have _any_ problems getting it.

But who said that Sasuke wanted Naruto? Sasuke was straight. And if he _did_ want Naruto, Naruto would have had already be his long ago.

It was common knowledge – and Sasuke had a lot of that, thank you very much – that all the Uchihas were Not Homosexual. Though this thesis could be debated, bearing in mind Itachi's unnatural fetish with that shark-man ... but Itachi was already dead, so this was a completely irrelevant and insignificant case point on Sasuke's behalf.

And if _anyone _dared to associate Kakashi's ecchi tendencies to Sasuke's moral character, then Sasuke would make sure that they'd be walking funny for the rest of their lives.

But Sasuke knew that he wasn't a pervert.

It would just be a bit harder to convince everyone else.

**-OWARI-**

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A/N: Due to persistent and stubborn demands by my friend Vicky-chan (and encouragements from my other friends), I have posted my first, finished shonen-ai drabble (and my first finished … well … anything) on even though I was already content with it on LiveJournal. xD**

Arigato for reading.

akaru-hime 3


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